Brad and Angelina are breaking up again.
4 hours ago
Tuesday, July 21
Monday, July 20
Hair, shoulders, knees and pain
Wednesday Christmas is coming early. I am Glamorama bound, a salon that can cure my critical hair-care woes. The past month has been an epic struggle between my hair and I: Me-0, My Hair-4. After the pink highlights came the Walgreen's brown box. Then the Extreme Styles bummer blue black dye experience, 77 dollars later. Add the 12 for the highlights and another 10 for the brown we are at 99 bucks of badness. Then my mother and I went to South Hadley on a whim where for another 20 the sweet 24 year old single mom gave me a gay Peanuts haircut. "Yes, sir. Chuck is the dreamiest, sir."
Now I put it in a tiny pony tail and gather bobby pins from my bathroom and bedroom floors willing it all to either grow or for everyone to go blind.
I am achey and unclear as to why. Saturday was the Green River Festival, something that 23 years ago was simply called the Hot Air Balloon Fest and only cost 7 dollars. Now it is 45 dollars for one day and 8,500 people came. Our booth, the Hope and Olive one, was constantly busy with customers. The generators and music was deafening and my voice was almost hoarse from shouting out the orders in my best old-timey bellow. My only complaint is directed at the parents who insisted their tiny child order for themselves.
"OK! I can help whoever is next!" Music blaring, generators rumbling.
Parent ushers wee little to the counter. "Ok Jimmy, tell the nice lady what you want."
"psshapssha pinta poopaa?"
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"uuuhh, kakawhawhatootoolalalasha?"
I turn to parent apologetically, "One more time?"
"He wants a hot dog."
"One Hot Dog!" I scream to the back, hearing the tiny call and response back. "Next!" Repeat.
Or the people who have been waiting in line the longest only to notice the (very limited) menu when it is their turn.
And now today, two days later, my shoulders still ache and no amount of Tiger Balm or hot showers can resolve their dull throbbing.
Now I put it in a tiny pony tail and gather bobby pins from my bathroom and bedroom floors willing it all to either grow or for everyone to go blind.
I am achey and unclear as to why. Saturday was the Green River Festival, something that 23 years ago was simply called the Hot Air Balloon Fest and only cost 7 dollars. Now it is 45 dollars for one day and 8,500 people came. Our booth, the Hope and Olive one, was constantly busy with customers. The generators and music was deafening and my voice was almost hoarse from shouting out the orders in my best old-timey bellow. My only complaint is directed at the parents who insisted their tiny child order for themselves.
"OK! I can help whoever is next!" Music blaring, generators rumbling.
Parent ushers wee little to the counter. "Ok Jimmy, tell the nice lady what you want."
"psshapssha pinta poopaa?"
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"uuuhh, kakawhawhatootoolalalasha?"
I turn to parent apologetically, "One more time?"
"He wants a hot dog."
"One Hot Dog!" I scream to the back, hearing the tiny call and response back. "Next!" Repeat.
Or the people who have been waiting in line the longest only to notice the (very limited) menu when it is their turn.
And now today, two days later, my shoulders still ache and no amount of Tiger Balm or hot showers can resolve their dull throbbing.
Wednesday, July 15
wtf twamps on the trail is crazy
I was going to blog about my semi-eventful day but the delivery chinese has already arrived and I'm catching up on my The View. Yesterday's.
Bruno talk, I saw it. Joy did too, she liked it, of course. She is a self-described "European type". Barbara said she laughed but had some problems, she wagged her hand like the penis and made her eyes look wild. "Tell us more, Barbara," said Whoop.
The Ron Paul scene is funny. "I don't like seeing the little people* being made fun of, I don't like seeing close ups of anal sex." - Barbara Walters
*the campers and the two reverends, more specifically when pressed who and what "little people" were.
"A 12 foot penis on a screen is not my idea of a good time, at home on the other hand . . ." - Whoopi Goldburg
Next topic, masturbating teens in the UK. Their government is encouraging it because of too many baby babies.
"Isn't that like encouraging Donald Trump to make money? It's like, duh!" - Joy Behar
Elisabeth actually said that her Catholic school didn't "touch on" it.
Whoopi is all about it. Graphic talk! Sherri was disapproved upon when she suggested masturbation to her religious celibate support. It moved to technique and Barbara freaked. As she mentioned, so sagely before the cut to commercial, at least they were not talking about Michael Jackson or Sarah Palin.
I ordered too much Chinee. I fast forwarded the commercials and they are talking about Michael Jackson, unapologetically so.
Dim sum sampler is all I wanted but added cold noodles, hot and sour soup and an edamame in order to justify the delivery.
Next topic, a Japanese study of chubby asians leads to about 7 more years to their life but Barbara says that "a study of honkeys" shows that calorie restriction is the way to go. Personally, I shoot for fifteen hundred calories a day. The daily recommended is 2000 for women, 2500 for men and the average American consumes 3700.
Sherri is trying to get into a bikini "for the show" and has 26 days left "to succeed". She is asking random people to stop tweeting about seeing her eating in public and breaking her diet, "Stop being a twattle-tale!"
Next topic, Spongebob Squarepants. It's some anniversary. It's over now. Jimmy Fallon is up next. That's how they roll. Bing bang boom.
An Olive Garden commercial in fast forward made me mad, it's been an emotional day.
Jimmy rehashed the comic book super hero joke he made at the Time 100 event about Michelle Obama, it's a good one. He just showed a blurry i-Phone photo of him, the president and her. Apparently the president teased him for being overdressed at the barbecue, he made some generic being awkward joke to finish the story. Now he
Now he is So boring I was distracted away and am too busy to finish this episode of yesterdays The View, my lunch which has made me feel ralphy, or these thoughts (which are similarly ralphy as well). Similarly is not my favorite word. I'll sign off with an e-mail exchange I was just having as an example of my en communicados with, as Barbara calls them, "the little people" (reverends, campers, lou-dogs).
Caution, the jargon is heavy and the jokes are not light. But I'm no Bruno with my dick waving all 'round, yo.
Our interaction could almost use a translator.
LOU-DOG:
true. sorry to hear boutcher dtp fine! what is this, the dogg pound??? clean up your ackt, riley.
I'll holler at danny, still gotta see that kidda his.
tubing this weekend??
ME:
i'm workin the green reefer fest here in g-vegas, mon.
lordhavemercy michael franti and the queerheads is the musical act, crazy because i remember that event being called the balloon fest and it being like 7 bucks to go (for the weekend). now it's [censored] 35 for a day!
i'm working all day fri and sat but maybe sunday before i go to work?
that could be the tits!
i still have 4 awesome tubes (ew) and i heard they went up to twomps on the trail, gay!
so- sunday??
L-D:
haha g vegas. hahaha mike franti and queerhead, aka mike franti and shithead. hahaha 35 bucks a day. gentrification bitches. the yuppies ruin everything.
yah cool, i got 2 tubes too, they need a little air, though. what time you have to work on sun?
wtf twamps on the trail is crazy
Bruno talk, I saw it. Joy did too, she liked it, of course. She is a self-described "European type". Barbara said she laughed but had some problems, she wagged her hand like the penis and made her eyes look wild. "Tell us more, Barbara," said Whoop.
The Ron Paul scene is funny. "I don't like seeing the little people* being made fun of, I don't like seeing close ups of anal sex." - Barbara Walters
*the campers and the two reverends, more specifically when pressed who and what "little people" were.
"A 12 foot penis on a screen is not my idea of a good time, at home on the other hand . . ." - Whoopi Goldburg
Next topic, masturbating teens in the UK. Their government is encouraging it because of too many baby babies.
"Isn't that like encouraging Donald Trump to make money? It's like, duh!" - Joy Behar
Elisabeth actually said that her Catholic school didn't "touch on" it.
Whoopi is all about it. Graphic talk! Sherri was disapproved upon when she suggested masturbation to her religious celibate support. It moved to technique and Barbara freaked. As she mentioned, so sagely before the cut to commercial, at least they were not talking about Michael Jackson or Sarah Palin.
I ordered too much Chinee. I fast forwarded the commercials and they are talking about Michael Jackson, unapologetically so.
Dim sum sampler is all I wanted but added cold noodles, hot and sour soup and an edamame in order to justify the delivery.
Next topic, a Japanese study of chubby asians leads to about 7 more years to their life but Barbara says that "a study of honkeys" shows that calorie restriction is the way to go. Personally, I shoot for fifteen hundred calories a day. The daily recommended is 2000 for women, 2500 for men and the average American consumes 3700.
Sherri is trying to get into a bikini "for the show" and has 26 days left "to succeed". She is asking random people to stop tweeting about seeing her eating in public and breaking her diet, "Stop being a twattle-tale!"
Next topic, Spongebob Squarepants. It's some anniversary. It's over now. Jimmy Fallon is up next. That's how they roll. Bing bang boom.
An Olive Garden commercial in fast forward made me mad, it's been an emotional day.
Jimmy rehashed the comic book super hero joke he made at the Time 100 event about Michelle Obama, it's a good one. He just showed a blurry i-Phone photo of him, the president and her. Apparently the president teased him for being overdressed at the barbecue, he made some generic being awkward joke to finish the story. Now he
Now he is So boring I was distracted away and am too busy to finish this episode of yesterdays The View, my lunch which has made me feel ralphy, or these thoughts (which are similarly ralphy as well). Similarly is not my favorite word. I'll sign off with an e-mail exchange I was just having as an example of my en communicados with, as Barbara calls them, "the little people" (reverends, campers, lou-dogs).
Caution, the jargon is heavy and the jokes are not light. But I'm no Bruno with my dick waving all 'round, yo.
Our interaction could almost use a translator.
LOU-DOG:
true. sorry to hear boutcher dtp fine! what is this, the dogg pound??? clean up your ackt, riley.
I'll holler at danny, still gotta see that kidda his.
tubing this weekend??
ME:
i'm workin the green reefer fest here in g-vegas, mon.
lordhavemercy michael franti and the queerheads is the musical act, crazy because i remember that event being called the balloon fest and it being like 7 bucks to go (for the weekend). now it's [censored] 35 for a day!
i'm working all day fri and sat but maybe sunday before i go to work?
that could be the tits!
i still have 4 awesome tubes (ew) and i heard they went up to twomps on the trail, gay!
so- sunday??
L-D:
haha g vegas. hahaha mike franti and queerhead, aka mike franti and shithead. hahaha 35 bucks a day. gentrification bitches. the yuppies ruin everything.
yah cool, i got 2 tubes too, they need a little air, though. what time you have to work on sun?
wtf twamps on the trail is crazy
Monday, July 6
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