I stand digesting my Palermo
Reading wallsized reviews of Oleanna
While a horse metronomically
walks behind
A lady interrupts me recording this memory
With a postcard that reminds 'we all die'

My the view right now

After editing letters this evening, all addressed to The View, I began to notice various similiarities that didn't have anything to do with content or preferences. For example, each letter has the word 'view' in it not in a way that either pertains to the show or even thrown around glibly. Similar stamps, stationary, chicken scrawls.
My favorite constant is not everyone's general distaste for our sweet Elisabeth, it is that there is not one letter where her name is actually spelled with an 'S'. Fancy, curly, cursive zees, underlined words, lots of dashing and capitalizing and exclamation points. And love, always the love. Love at the end of whatever nonsense they spew.
These letters call to me.

But I got the change, and that's all that matters.

I'm distracted. I was about to say something about this right here but a really fat guy picked up a coin from the floor in front of me and it was magic train wreck carpet ride. I've been distracted. There have been absences. I have been absent. Let's consider any lapse in time a metaphor and move along.
I am at the New Haven Amtrak. I made it from Springfield and stood with my back to my train waiting for it to come as it left the station behind me. Luckily there is a Metro-North here so bing bang boom, now I am the fat guy bending over for some change.

This was the poem I wrote on Facebook:
Missed my train/I'll catch the next Metro
Watch Lost in vain/On one tiny headphone

Eu du moi

They have an app for that.

Today's Leo Work Horoscope, from Astrology.com

Leo Daily Work Horoscope
Sunday, August 2

You'll have a tendency over the next week to appear arrogant, even
though you're just feeling great. Your enthusiasm might get the best
of you and come off the wrong way to others. Make sure to mix it up
with a little self-deprecating humor so they don't get the wrong idea.

----
Sent from iScopes by Astrology.com.
- More than just your sun sign! -
- www.astrology.com -
(c) 1995-2009, iVillage, Inc. All rights reserved.

Today's Leo Extended Horoscope, from Astrology.com

Leo Daily Extended Horoscope
Sunday, August 2

Try to get into a conversation with the smartest person you know
today, even if it's over email. They have a plan you need to hear, and
it involves an unusual cultural experience. Find out what they have
cooking and if you can get involved. Even if you're not too into the
idea, try to muster up some enthusiasm just the same -- it's important
to be more open right now. This person holds the ticket to your next
big spiritual growth spurt, so take this opportunity.

----
Sent from iScopes by Astrology.com.
- More than just your sun sign! -
- www.astrology.com -
(c) 1995-2009, iVillage, Inc. All rights reserved.

I've been waiting for this day to come.

Hair, shoulders, knees and pain

Wednesday Christmas is coming early. I am Glamorama bound, a salon that can cure my critical hair-care woes. The past month has been an epic struggle between my hair and I: Me-0, My Hair-4. After the pink highlights came the Walgreen's brown box. Then the Extreme Styles bummer blue black dye experience, 77 dollars later. Add the 12 for the highlights and another 10 for the brown we are at 99 bucks of badness. Then my mother and I went to South Hadley on a whim where for another 20 the sweet 24 year old single mom gave me a gay Peanuts haircut. "Yes, sir. Chuck is the dreamiest, sir."
Now I put it in a tiny pony tail and gather bobby pins from my bathroom and bedroom floors willing it all to either grow or for everyone to go blind.
I am achey and unclear as to why. Saturday was the Green River Festival, something that 23 years ago was simply called the Hot Air Balloon Fest and only cost 7 dollars. Now it is 45 dollars for one day and 8,500 people came. Our booth, the Hope and Olive one, was constantly busy with customers. The generators and music was deafening and my voice was almost hoarse from shouting out the orders in my best old-timey bellow. My only complaint is directed at the parents who insisted their tiny child order for themselves.
"OK! I can help whoever is next!" Music blaring, generators rumbling.
Parent ushers wee little to the counter. "Ok Jimmy, tell the nice lady what you want."
"psshapssha pinta poopaa?"
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"uuuhh, kakawhawhatootoolalalasha?"
I turn to parent apologetically, "One more time?"
"He wants a hot dog."
"One Hot Dog!" I scream to the back, hearing the tiny call and response back. "Next!" Repeat.
Or the people who have been waiting in line the longest only to notice the (very limited) menu when it is their turn.

And now today, two days later, my shoulders still ache and no amount of Tiger Balm or hot showers can resolve their dull throbbing.

700 calorie sadness

wtf twamps on the trail is crazy

I was going to blog about my semi-eventful day but the delivery chinese has already arrived and I'm catching up on my The View. Yesterday's.

Bruno talk, I saw it. Joy did too, she liked it, of course. She is a self-described "European type". Barbara said she laughed but had some problems, she wagged her hand like the penis and made her eyes look wild. "Tell us more, Barbara," said Whoop.

The Ron Paul scene is funny. "I don't like seeing the little people* being made fun of, I don't like seeing close ups of anal sex." - Barbara Walters
*the campers and the two reverends, more specifically when pressed who and what "little people" were.

"A 12 foot penis on a screen is not my idea of a good time, at home on the other hand . . ." - Whoopi Goldburg

Next topic, masturbating teens in the UK. Their government is encouraging it because of too many baby babies.
"Isn't that like encouraging Donald Trump to make money? It's like, duh!" - Joy Behar

Elisabeth actually said that her Catholic school didn't "touch on" it.

Whoopi is all about it. Graphic talk! Sherri was disapproved upon when she suggested masturbation to her religious celibate support. It moved to technique and Barbara freaked. As she mentioned, so sagely before the cut to commercial, at least they were not talking about Michael Jackson or Sarah Palin.

I ordered too much Chinee. I fast forwarded the commercials and they are talking about Michael Jackson, unapologetically so.
Dim sum sampler is all I wanted but added cold noodles, hot and sour soup and an edamame in order to justify the delivery.

Next topic, a Japanese study of chubby asians leads to about 7 more years to their life but Barbara says that "a study of honkeys" shows that calorie restriction is the way to go. Personally, I shoot for fifteen hundred calories a day. The daily recommended is 2000 for women, 2500 for men and the average American consumes 3700.

Sherri is trying to get into a bikini "for the show" and has 26 days left "to succeed". She is asking random people to stop tweeting about seeing her eating in public and breaking her diet, "Stop being a twattle-tale!"

Next topic, Spongebob Squarepants. It's some anniversary. It's over now. Jimmy Fallon is up next. That's how they roll. Bing bang boom.
An Olive Garden commercial in fast forward made me mad, it's been an emotional day.

Jimmy rehashed the comic book super hero joke he made at the Time 100 event about Michelle Obama, it's a good one. He just showed a blurry i-Phone photo of him, the president and her. Apparently the president teased him for being overdressed at the barbecue, he made some generic being awkward joke to finish the story. Now he


Now he is So boring I was distracted away and am too busy to finish this episode of yesterdays The View, my lunch which has made me feel ralphy, or these thoughts (which are similarly ralphy as well). Similarly is not my favorite word. I'll sign off with an e-mail exchange I was just having as an example of my en communicados with, as Barbara calls them, "the little people" (reverends, campers, lou-dogs).

Caution, the jargon is heavy and the jokes are not light. But I'm no Bruno with my dick waving all 'round, yo.
Our interaction could almost use a translator.

LOU-DOG:
true. sorry to hear boutcher dtp fine! what is this, the dogg pound??? clean up your ackt, riley.
I'll holler at danny, still gotta see that kidda his.

tubing this weekend??

ME:
i'm workin the green reefer fest here in g-vegas, mon.
lordhavemercy michael franti and the queerheads is the musical act, crazy because i remember that event being called the balloon fest and it being like 7 bucks to go (for the weekend). now it's [censored] 35 for a day!
i'm working all day fri and sat but maybe sunday before i go to work?
that could be the tits!
i still have 4 awesome tubes (ew) and i heard they went up to twomps on the trail, gay!
so- sunday??

L-D:
haha g vegas. hahaha mike franti and queerhead, aka mike franti and shithead. hahaha 35 bucks a day. gentrification bitches. the yuppies ruin everything.

yah cool, i got 2 tubes too, they need a little air, though. what time you have to work on sun?

wtf twamps on the trail is crazy

After

Before

The unfinished bathroom

My favorite text message rcvd today

Just like his daddy, who said "Isn't she such a bitch, Finn?" right when we first met. I knew he would do some dousing me with some delousing powder, make me dispel all negativity and put out any cigarettes before getting to hold the little bad Larry. Which made me smell like coffee, antiseptic and bad intentions and then Finn cried. The second time I got to hold him he was wide eyed and calm faced but Mat hadn't had his turn yet and so I had to share, boo.
I made the best baby mix for him ever. Well, two baby mixes.

PB&F w/ torn-off crust

Much better than cut-off crusts.

Finn is my wallpaper. He the smallest human I have ever met and yet I feel grand things for him.
I am watching my pre-recorded episode of The View, for Friday, June twelfth. I feel like an elderly type for inviting the talking heads into my home while alone late at night. They are unfortunately succumbing to the John and Kate plus Eight chatter phenom. Barbara is absent, Whoopi is in some white dashiki, Joy in a jubilant blue and Sherri has a wig on.
Oh god I love Whoopi.

They say Susan Lucci looks 37. I feel like crawling under the proverbial rock.

I repainted my living and bathroom.

Whoa, Susan Lucci. She left her fiance for his son while his son was dating her daughter.

Whoa, me. I just figured out they were talking about the show? OLTLOMG.

I may see a matinee tomorrow if the weather is still blurgy. The weather has been suck since end May. If it is cold in July the end of days have come.

I may be moody a la woman times or I may just be a grumpy person in general. I worry about the latter.

I do not like the Black Eyed Peas.

Just 6?